Netiquette
dadum hat geschrieben:Er hat Deinen Namen doch geschw?rzt!Shoquelle hat geschrieben:Hey Alex, bitte keine Posts aus dem Offi hier rein kopieren.
In 2,5 Jahren 2 Beitr?ge?
Witze
Moderator: Staff
Dabbeljuh hat geschrieben:Sachma, Shockel. Hast du zuf?llig im Mai Geburts*bumm*
Hach ?chsle, welch ein Schenkelklopfer.
Hier h?tte ich ?brigens einen sch?nen Einkaufstipp f?r Dich.
"Eigentlich hatte ich heute viel vor. Jetzt habe ich morgen viel vor."
In Ru?land bekommen die ?lteren W?hler, die die richtige Partei gew?hlt haben, einen Gutschein f?r einen Arztbesuch - das Wahlgeschenk f?r Erstw?hler habe ich vor lauter Wut vergessen. (Quelle: Deutschlandfunk: 'Informationen am Mittag')
Vielleicht doch kein Thema f?r den Witzethread.
Ich habe morgen noch nichts vor - vielleicht fahre ich nach Gelsenkirchen und z?nde der 'Ihr werdet nie deutscher Meister'-Truppe die Reservetrikots an.
Vielleicht doch kein Thema f?r den Witzethread.
Ich habe morgen noch nichts vor - vielleicht fahre ich nach Gelsenkirchen und z?nde der 'Ihr werdet nie deutscher Meister'-Truppe die Reservetrikots an.
Das Leitbild dient "lediglich" der Orientierung, es erfolgt daher keine direkte Sanktionierung.
MRZ: Brite f?r Langsam-Essen bei McDonald's bestraft Faster, please!
MRZ hat geschrieben:London - Ein Brite muss Strafe zahlen, weil er beim Schnell?restau?rant McDonald's zu langsam gegessen hat. Jamie Thomson habe sein Men? im Drive-in gekauft und ansch?lie?end auf dem Parkplatz vor dem Restau?rant in Gatwick bei London gegessen, berich?tete die britische Zeitung "Guardian" am Dienstag. Nach dem Ausflug bekam er einen Straf?zet?tel ?ber 125 Pfund (rund 175 Euro) von einer Firma, die Park?pl?tze betreibt.
"Ich habe einen Hamburger, Pommes, eine Cola, einen Doughnut und einen Kaffee bestellt. Ich sa? in meinem Auto, habe zu Mittag gegessen und habe Radio geh?rt (...), alles ganz normal", sagte Thomson dem Blatt. Einige Wochen sp?ter sei er jedoch auf?gefor?dert worden, die Strafe zu zahlen.
"Miss?brauch"
Das Fast-Food-Unter?neh?men teilte mit, der Mann habe das vor?geschrie?bene Zeitlimit von 45 Minuten ?ber?schrit?ten. Dieses gelte in rund 40 der bri?tischen Restau?rants, weil Kunden die Fl?chen ?fter "miss?braucht" h?tten. "Wenn es nach McDonald's geht, ist es ein Vergehen, wenn man f?r sein Essen und seinen Kaffee eine Stunde statt 45 Minuten braucht", kri?tisierte Thomson. Ob er die Strafe zahlt, blieb offen.
Das Leitbild dient "lediglich" der Orientierung, es erfolgt daher keine direkte Sanktionierung.
Gestern Abend haben meine Frau und ich am Tisch sitzend ?ber das ein oder andere diskutiert. Und dann kamen wir auf Euthanasie zu sprechen. Zu diesem sensiblen Thema ?ber die Wahl zwischen Leben und Tod habe ich ihr gesagt:
"Lass mich nicht in einem solchen Zustand leben, von einer Maschine abh?ngig und gen?hrt von der Fl?ssigkeit einer Flasche. Wenn du mich in diesem Zustand siehst, schalte die Maschinen ab, die mich am Leben erhalten."
Sie ist aufgestanden, hat den Fernseher und den Rechner ausgemacht und mein Bier weggesch?ttet.
Die bl?de Kuh!
"Lass mich nicht in einem solchen Zustand leben, von einer Maschine abh?ngig und gen?hrt von der Fl?ssigkeit einer Flasche. Wenn du mich in diesem Zustand siehst, schalte die Maschinen ab, die mich am Leben erhalten."
Sie ist aufgestanden, hat den Fernseher und den Rechner ausgemacht und mein Bier weggesch?ttet.
Die bl?de Kuh!
Das ist ja... 
Oh mein Gott. Das ist ja schrecklich.
Ich dachte, dass das endlich....nein, nein, nein,....nicht, .....bitte nicht...
Das soll jetzt der Bauplatz f?r die neue Arena...??? Sind da die ?hem....Infrastrukturkosten nicht ein wenig zu hoch,.....keine Parkpl?tze, daf?r ne Bootsanlegestelle...*im Atlantischen Ozean schiffbr?chig*
Apropos Boot, jetzt wei? ich auch, warum der Ort so hei?t wie er hei?t.
*r?usper*
Oh mein Gott. Das ist ja schrecklich.
Ich dachte, dass das endlich....nein, nein, nein,....nicht, .....bitte nicht...
Das soll jetzt der Bauplatz f?r die neue Arena...??? Sind da die ?hem....Infrastrukturkosten nicht ein wenig zu hoch,.....keine Parkpl?tze, daf?r ne Bootsanlegestelle...*im Atlantischen Ozean schiffbr?chig*
Apropos Boot, jetzt wei? ich auch, warum der Ort so hei?t wie er hei?t.
*r?usper*
Libero hat geschrieben:Apropos Boot, jetzt wei? ich auch, warum der Ort so hei?t wie er hei?t.
*r?usper*
Tja, es gibt wirklich schlimmere Namen f?r ein Dorf. Hier m??ten die Einwohner eigentlich chronisch verzweifelt sein.
Wir haben keinen Aufsichtsrat oder so etwas, das ist ein Riesenvorteil. - Christian Heidel
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unique-dane
- Administrator
- Beiträge: 2484
- Registriert: So 5. Aug 2007, 12:18
- Wohnort: Budenum
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Office Christmas Party memo
Office Christmas Party memo
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 4th November 2007
Office Christmas Party
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks!
We'll have a small band playing traditional carols. Please feel free to sing along. Don't be surprised if the Managing Director shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1.00 p.m.
Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time, however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees! The Managing Director will make a special announcement at the Party.
I wish a Merry Christmas to you and your family.
Sincerely, Pauline
****************************************************
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 5th November 2007
RE: Holiday Party
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year.
However, from now on we're calling it our 'Holiday Party'. The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians.
There will be no Christmas tree or Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment. Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your family,
Pauline
******************************************************
FROM : Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 6th November 2007
RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table: you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore! How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody?!
Forget about the gift exchange, no gift exchange allowed now since the Union Officials feel that $10.00 is too much money and Management believe $10.00 is a little cheap.
NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
Pauline
*******************************************************
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 7th November 2007
RE: Holiday Party
What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours.
There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party or else package everything up for you to take home in a little foil doggy bag. Will that work? Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the toilets. Gays are allowed to sit with each other, lesbians do not have to sit with gay
men, each will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangements for t he gay men's table too. To the person asking permission to cross-dress: no cross-dressing allowed. We will have booster seats for short people. Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food, so we suggest those people with high blood pressure taste the food first.
There will be fresh fruits as dessert for diabetics. The restaurantcannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry!
Did I miss anything?!?!?!?!?!
Pauline
*****************************************************
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All F******g Employees
DATE: 8th November 2007
RE: The F******g Holiday Party
Vegetarian pricks: I've had it with you people! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death", as you so quaintly put it; you'll get your f******g salad bar, including organic tomatoes, but you know tomatoes have feelings too. They scream when you slice them. Oh yes, I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW!
I hope you all have a rotten holiday. Drink, drive, and die!
The B***ch from H**L!!
*******************************************************
FROM: John Bishop - Acting Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 9th November 2007
RE: Pauline Lewis and Holiday Party
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pauline Lewis a speedy recovery, and I'll continue to forward your cards to her.
In the meantime, the Management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and instead, give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd December off with full pay.
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 4th November 2007
Office Christmas Party
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks!
We'll have a small band playing traditional carols. Please feel free to sing along. Don't be surprised if the Managing Director shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1.00 p.m.
Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time, however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees! The Managing Director will make a special announcement at the Party.
I wish a Merry Christmas to you and your family.
Sincerely, Pauline
****************************************************
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 5th November 2007
RE: Holiday Party
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year.
However, from now on we're calling it our 'Holiday Party'. The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians.
There will be no Christmas tree or Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment. Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your family,
Pauline
******************************************************
FROM : Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 6th November 2007
RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table: you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore! How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody?!
Forget about the gift exchange, no gift exchange allowed now since the Union Officials feel that $10.00 is too much money and Management believe $10.00 is a little cheap.
NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
Pauline
*******************************************************
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 7th November 2007
RE: Holiday Party
What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours.
There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party or else package everything up for you to take home in a little foil doggy bag. Will that work? Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the toilets. Gays are allowed to sit with each other, lesbians do not have to sit with gay
men, each will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangements for t he gay men's table too. To the person asking permission to cross-dress: no cross-dressing allowed. We will have booster seats for short people. Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food, so we suggest those people with high blood pressure taste the food first.
There will be fresh fruits as dessert for diabetics. The restaurantcannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry!
Did I miss anything?!?!?!?!?!
Pauline
*****************************************************
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All F******g Employees
DATE: 8th November 2007
RE: The F******g Holiday Party
Vegetarian pricks: I've had it with you people! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death", as you so quaintly put it; you'll get your f******g salad bar, including organic tomatoes, but you know tomatoes have feelings too. They scream when you slice them. Oh yes, I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW!
I hope you all have a rotten holiday. Drink, drive, and die!
The B***ch from H**L!!
*******************************************************
FROM: John Bishop - Acting Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 9th November 2007
RE: Pauline Lewis and Holiday Party
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pauline Lewis a speedy recovery, and I'll continue to forward your cards to her.
In the meantime, the Management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and instead, give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd December off with full pay.
Zuletzt geändert von Štěpánka am Mi 20. Aug 2008, 12:55, insgesamt 1-mal geändert.
Das Leitbild dient "lediglich" der Orientierung, es erfolgt daher keine direkte Sanktionierung.
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